if you like me you must not know who I am
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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