haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
my poor anus
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
