We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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