Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
