You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
