he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
