I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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