Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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