My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
