I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
