I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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