There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
this will be a night to untag.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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