Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
