he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
