She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
FUCK WHALES
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