ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My hand turned me down
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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