The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
