ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
