I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
