Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
