everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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