Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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