Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize