I think my vagina is haunted
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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