4 words: hood of his car
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
whose ass print is on the piano?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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