i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
