i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
