pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
