I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
