Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have already put on my inside pants.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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