I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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