She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
