i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
In America we eat man semen.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
