Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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