I just pynch a tree in the face
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
