I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
