Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize