In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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