listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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