R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
