David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
