it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize