You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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