Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
