I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
