Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
