I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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