I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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