Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
