Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
