my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
