there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
