HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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