His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Farmville is her only friend.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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