today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
