Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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