The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Come see our sink grown plant.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Pants are for mortals
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
