In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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