im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
