i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
