WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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