she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
