Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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