Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
