my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
