Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
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