College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
