so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
