Jerry, you need to find god
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sorry my hands just texted you
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
