Im at strip club and am horny
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
