I puked a lego.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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