Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
